IFS Therapy for People Pleasing in Los Angeles
For those who want to feel secure in their relationships.
This might be for you if…
You know yourself to be a helpful person, but have noticed over time how the care you offer others requires you to put your own needs aside. Yet you still give — to your loved ones, to your people, to those you’ve just met — without a second thought. It feels like every yes is automatic, without room to make a decision that’s truly aligned with your values and capacity.
You want to continue to help others without feeling like you’re fighting yourself. You know the people pleasing part of you is what keeps you in this cycle. What leaves you confused is why the things you’ve tried (scheduling time for yourself, letting others offer to help, saying no more) throws you into the same loop. One where you continue to give, without much left for yourself.
People pleasing isn’t a personality flaw.
It happens when there are parts of you that learned your sense of belonging is tied to how much you give, that you need to prove your love by pushing yourself beyond your limits, that being of service to others means sacrificing — yourself, your wants, your needs. Overtime, these parts experience acceptance, belonging, and love through people pleasing. To change what brings you a sense of security and belonging is a vulnerable thing. There may be parts of you that don’t want to put what they’ve worked so hard for at risk.
Sometimes it’s difficult to tell if it’s people pleasing, cultural values, or the entanglement of the two. Community care as self-care. Values of kapwa and utang na loob in Filipino American culture. One’s moral duty to care for elders in Asian American and immigrant families. How we in the LGBTQ community are often left with no choice but to parent ourselves and mother each other. Getting clear about people pleasing, cultural values, and how they show up in your life is part of working through and healing the exhaustion and inner conflict that comes with this pattern.
How IFS Therapy Helps With People Pleasing
Internal Family Systems Therapy is effective for people pleasing because it sees this pattern not as a flaw, but as something that has kept you safe — from abandonment, rejection, and feeling unloved. Instead of asking you to exile or silence these parts, we get curious about why these parts do what they do. We explore how long the people pleasing part in you has been around, and why it took on that role. We move towards understanding what belonging and acceptance means to you, and the relationships you want to experience that in. It looks like acknowledging the fears that come up at the thought of showing up differently, and what these parts of you need in order to give space to do so.
Over time clients find that the part leading the people pleasing can rest. Not because doubling down on boundaries and willpower brought change, but because it finally knows what it needs to feel safe and secure.
What Sessions Look Like
Sessions are experiential and tailored to you. We don’t just talk about your patterns of people pleasing, we work with the parts of you that fear what life would look like if don’t offer care in the same way.
This might look like naming the relationships where your people pleasing parts are the most active, exploring the parts of you that carry the pain of isolation and rejection, and finding ways to navigate inner-conflict so that you can trust yourself and your decisions.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS-
Yes — IFS doesn’t see people pleasing as a part that you need to get rid of, but as a part that you can strengthen your relationship with. When this happens, clients notice the people pleasing tends to slow down and start to feel more secure with others. They also see more opportunities for other parts that like to help and engage in collective care showing up — parts that still give and care but not at the expense of your own well-being.
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Most talk therapy approaches people pleasing as something that needs to be fixed — helping you learn how to set boundaries, say no, and developing skills for managing conflict.
IFS doesn’t see people pleasing parts as problems, but as parts of us that have helped us navigate our relationships. Many clients who have tried therapy before and found it helpful but incomplete, find that IFS creates shifts that other approaches have not been able to.
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Many clients begin to notice showing up differently within the first two to three months of weekly sessions. Less saying yes without knowing what you’re signing up for, more space to pause, a growing practice of making decisions grounded in your values.
Deeper work often continues beyond that — not because progress has stalled but because the process itself becomes something worth staying in.
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Yes. If you can’t make in-person sessions in Los Angeles but are looking for an IFS therapist who specializes in people pleasing and the parts underneath it, online sessions are available to anyone in California.
Start IFS Therapy for People Pleasing in Los Angeles
Whatever brought you here, I'm glad you found your way. The first step is simply a conversation. I offer a free 20-minute consultation — no pressure, no obligation, just a chance to see if working together feels right.